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Anonymous said:
Tell me a bedtime story please

officialunitedstates:

Not many pieces of furniture currently have the capacity for thought.  It’s strange how we have all this computing power, yet we haven’t ever programmed a sofa to compliment you when you sit on it (“have you been working out or is that just my inner stuffing”), or a desk to ask you how your day was. 

"What time is it," you ask your bed.

"10:50," your bed replies, "Way past your bedtime."

roryink:

nerdiegirlie:

when they were prepping me for the surgery the nurse put one of those cloth hats over my head to keep the hair out of my face

she said “here’s your party hat”

and i was already trippin balls so I said 

"yaAAY paaaarty"

and wiggled around on the table like a gleeful slug

i think about this post sometimes and it makes me grin like a dope

merlinwhosuperpotterlock:

"i can’t eat that, i’ll get fat"

image

"i can’t sleep in late today i have to do work"

image

"no i can’t watch a whole season in one go that’s lazy"

image

"i can’t-"

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